Miss Manners: Guidelines for including others on trips or gatherings

Feeling left out

My adult son saw on Facebook that the rest of the family had gathered to celebrate, but he had not been invited. (Getty Images)Getty Images

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cousin, at my invitation, has been included in a group of ladies with whom I have been friends for years. One of those friends now rents my cousin’s garage apartment.

My cousin recently invited me and the friend who rents her apartment to accompany her on a weekend trip to her condo in Florida. When one of our other friends heard that we were going (it didn’t occur to us to keep it a secret), she demanded that we ask my cousin to invite her.

Neither I nor my other friend believed that it was appropriate for us to make this request. The invitation was not ours to give; we were the invitees.

This other friend does not know my cousin very well -- they are acquaintances at best -- but she is very angry that she was not invited. She has made up her mind that my cousin doesn’t like her and has treated her coldly whenever they have met since.

Were my friend and I wrong not to have asked for this woman to be invited on the trip? And what were we to say if we had asked, and been refused?

GENTLE READER: It would not have been polite for you or your friend to invite someone else to your cousin’s condo. And if you had asked your cousin, she would have been put in an awkward position -- but with the absolute right to refuse.

If the third friend wants to behave badly toward your cousin, Miss Manners supposes that is her impolite right. But it will certainly ensure that she never gets a future invitation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)



1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106; 816-581-7500

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